Yeah, so on monday I'll once again be forced to leave my family... I might not see them again until school is finished in summer, because I might not afford flying back home during easter holidays, and my mom or dad might not be able to sponsor me the flight tickets either (none of them make a lot of money sadly).
My mood has been shit the past few days, thinking of how I have to travel back to a huge city just to attend school. I'm going back to my bedsit, where I don't feel safe) at all, due to one of the guys I share a kitchen and bath with being an unstable schizophrenic who I'm not able to read at all. The door separating my room from the hallway doesn't give much of a defense either if he should suddenly have the urge to do something, since it is merely a door of the kind usually used within the house, instead of a solid entrance door. That guy could break down my door with ease, after all he's 45 years old. He drinks alot ontop of his mental issues too.. Aaaaand he used to be a drug addict.
I'm really dependant on my mom, especially now that I suffer from anxiety and depression, and not having her within driving range (even though I don't bring my car down to Trondheim) makes me anxious, because she's my safe point when I'm at my worst. I might be 18 and considered a legal adult by Norwegian laws but I still need my mom.
I don't really fit in at the school either.. Sure I get along with most everyone in my class but I haven't been able to form a real bond of friendship with anyone of my classmates. And it has already been six months since starting school. And I have no relatives nearby, unless you call the sister of my sisters boyfriend family (I've met her once). And the only friends I have in the city are two boys, the oldest matching my age who I've known since childhood since they visited their grandparents alot during summer (their grandparents are my neighbours while at home). Problem is they live outside of the city, and they're sports people which means they have a huge circle of friends, where I'd obviously be the misfit if I tried becoming part of it. So yeah, basically I feel all alone. I'm not very social due to bullying problems at previous schools, but I've really pushed myself in the new environment I live in while studying in the city, to expand my social circle and gain friends but to no avail. I just chicken out all the time.
So yeah... Basically I feel like I'll be going back to sixth more months of lonely misery before being able to move back home again permanently, in which case my plans are to get a job and then maybe find an apartment (I don't intend to leech of my mother).
So lucky me, all packed and ready to take the bus to Tromsø for my flight at 4 in the afternoon... meh... My jolly christmas spirit was ruined when the impending journey back to Trondheim graced my mind with its presence.
Listening to: Bon Jovi :)
Watching: Anime... Duh!